MY CALL: Perhaps not original (generally speaking), but an excellent film! Sure, it’s something I’ve seen many times before. But it was done very well by a filmmaker and cast we can respect. Credibly tough victims are hard to find in the slasher subgenre. So you should give this one a chance. MOVIES LIKE Hush: You’re Next (2013), The Strangers (2008), Vacancy (2007) and The Purge (2013).

Living in quiet seclusion, one random evening deaf novelist Maddie (Kate Siegel; Oculus) finds herself stalked by a masked man (John Gallagher Jr.; 10 Cloverfield Lane, Jonah Hex). We don’t know how or why he chose her, or how he stumbled across her home that night. We only know that he wants the worst for–he wants her to want to die.

Directed by Mike Flanagan (Oculus, Absentia, Before I Wake, Ouija 2) and co-written by star Kate Siegel (Oculus, Ouija 2), this seemingly simple plot is delivered with striking execution. In the short time we have with Maddie before her peaceful life would be so traumatized, we quickly grow fond of her. She doesn’t seem like someone living with a handicap, but rather fundamentally a regular person with a regular life who happens to lack the ability to hear.

Moreover, Maddie is far from the helpless final girl fumbling and whimpering about. She is a capable survivor and, as such, our stalker finds that he is in for a challenge.

It took me a while to realize that Kate Siegel was carrying no audible dialogue at all for half the movie. Her performance was shockingly effective despite its taciturn nature and it just goes to show how powerful a good actor’s performance can be in the hands of a smart director…even without a single spoken word. Much to the contrary, our stalker played by John Gallagher carried most of the dialogue after the introductory scenes. He, too, is quite capable and unnerving opposite Siegel’s survivor. It takes two to tango but make no mistake, this is Siegel’s movie!

This film was told through a very practical and realistic lens. Maddie considers the possible outcomes of escape attempts and concludes they just won’t work. Her adversary is bigger and faster than she is, he will eventually get inside, and there is no help nearby. So what does that leave for her?

While more about the cat-and-mouse game at the start, this film has some shocking moments of abrupt brutality–among them was a devastating bone break. And among the many strengths of this film, nothing terribly unrealistic seems to transpire. Which means little opportunity for even the critical movie-goer to roll their eyes.

I very much enjoyed this film. Sure, it’s something I’ve seen (generally speaking) many times before. But it was done very well by a filmmaker and cast we can respect. Credibly tough victims are hard to find in the slasher subgenre. So you should give this one a chance.

MY CALL: A fine possession-themed horror comedy with enough good qualities to interest me in what the director does next. Featuring a great premise but shaky writing, it’s a nice little indie that explores legal consequences and support groups aimed at possession victims. MOVIES LIKE Ava’s Possessions: In terms of style, quality and merits, I’m reminded of the super low-budget Lo (2009)–which is an obscure one, I know, and pretty rough around the edges in terms of filmmaking. More appropriate dark horror comedies include The Voices (2014; darkest), Housebound (2014; pretty dark), He Never Died (2015; pretty dark) and Cooties (2015; light dark). Wanna’ get silly? Other horror comedies include Zombie Strippers (2008), Zombieland (2009), Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever (2009), Piranha 3D (2010), Tucker and Dale vs Evil (2010), Final Destination 5 (2011; not exactly comedy, but occasionally hilarious), Piranha 3DD (2012), The Cabin in the Woods (2012), Smothered (2014), Zombeavers (2014), Ava’s Possessions (2015), What We Do in the Shadows (2015), The Final Girls (2015), Krampus (2015; not exactly comedy, but occasionally hilarious), Love in the Time of Monsters (2015) and Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse (2015).

Could this make-up be a nod to Beetlejuice?

Meet Ava (Louisa Krause; The Abandoned, The Babysitters). Ava has just been exorcised and awakens to the harsh reality that often goes completely unaddressed in horror movies on the topic: so what happens now? You were possessed, the spirit has been banished, but you did some things and the real world packs consequences for our actions.

There’s a most welcome dark dryness to the humor in this exorcism/possession satire and these scenes are truly precious when you think about it. Her mother (Deborah Rush; Orange is the New Black, The Box) and father (William Sadler; Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight, Bordello of Blood, episode The Man Who was Death) come visit, make sure she’s eating enough…blame her possession on her use of marijuana. Ava asks if anyone called in sick for her during her weeks long possession. No? Probably out of a job. Want support from your friends? They’re probably afraid of you. And did you try to sleep with your besty’s boyfriend while that demon was inside you?

And then we meet her wonderfully deadpan attorney JJ (Dan Fogler; Hannibal, Hellbenders), who illustrates that yes, she faces a lot of vandalism and assault charges from when she was rampaging the streets with the devil in her. It’s basically jail, or join a group a lot like AA but for possession victims: Spirit Possession Anonymous. Ava must now make amends with those she affected during her possession and take action to see that the spirit does not re-enter her. That’s the purpose of Spirit Possession Anonymous. Besides, even The Last Exorcism (2010) had a sequel–aptly named The Last Exorcism 2 (2013). SMH

Another nice nod to Beetlejuice here.

Written and directed by relative newcomer Jordan Galland (Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Undead), this very low budget horror comedy comes with a healthy share of style. The staging and heavy-contrast colored lighting of some scenes smacks of a hybrid between a Broadway horror play and an episode of Tales from the Crypt. And like both, this film was clearly produced on a low budget…but it works just fine. At least for the first 30 minutes…

Yes, that’s right. The first act of this film is good. I liked the opening style, meeting the characters and being introduced to the consequences of possession and the notion of a support group designed for it. The problem was that the story quickly spun into a mystery of sorts that found no sense of synthesis. Sure, I liked seeing John Ventimiglia (The Sopranos, The Iceman), Carol Kane (Scrooged, The Princess Bride) and Alysia Reiner (Orange is the New Black), but their parts were over-filled with over-exposition delivered with uninspired dialogue. This mystery of murder and informant prostitutes started feeling like a bad episode of Silk Stalkings.

This is where I have to say it. Jordan Galland, I like you as a director but I think you need someone else penning your scripts after you dream up your story. You have cool edgy ideas, but after the premise is painted your brush was stricken with acuity-warped palsy. I loved the first 30 minutes and then got lost in the stale convolution of the next 30 minutes. I found some redemption in the end where in a whirlwind of 15 minutes all the convoluted mess was explained in fine detail–but a little late to save the film. Galland’s story is a deep one–too bad it takes 75 minutes before you realize it. Leave some breadcrumbs along the way of the plot next time.

There were enough good qualities here to leave me very interested in seeing what Galland does next. I just hope he’s not writing it alone and that someone gives him more of a budget. He made the budget work for him, but we would have benefited from better (and more frequent) gore or makeup. Overall, it’s a nice little indie!

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MY CALL: This sequel is just plain silly…like, even sillier than part 2…which was even more ludicrous than part 1. It’s stupid and funny and it knows exactly what it is. As long as you understand what you’re about to watch, you’ll probably enjoy this. MORE MOVIES LIKE Leprechaun 3: Leprechaun (1993), Leprechaun 2 (1994) and the loads of sequels taking Warwick Davis from “da hood” to outer space. But whatever you do, don’t watch Leprechaun: Origins (2014)–terrible even for a direct-to-DVD B-movie. The Wishmaster 1-4 (1997-2002) franchise follows a similar pattern of gore and humor, however a dash more dire for the most part.

The writing quality is bottom shelf as always, as we find a double amputee in a Las Vegas pawn shop selling a life size Leprechaun statue so he can “buy gas and get out of town.” Such refined exposition, isn’t it? Our desperate statue pawner warns to leave the ostentatious medallion on the statue, which of course the shop owner removes almost immediately. The punishment for which is apparently that the Leprechaun (Warwick Davis) animates, rambles in rhyming limerick, and bites off his ear and toe before scrambling off with his gold. And naturally, a single coin is left behind.

As laughable as this sounds, take note that in three years the world has witnessed as many Leprechaun movies! So if the we the people disapprove, we’re not exactly voting that opinion with our theater-going dollar. But I, and much of the horror community, continue to delight in this movie series.

With sequels, the stakes tend to get bigger with each subsequent story. Whereas part one had nothing of the sort, Leprechaun 2 (1994) boasted three wishes granted to a Leprechaun’s captor. But now in part 3, one wish per gold shilling is granted–which could mean 100 wishes!!! We now have every reason to hope the Leprechaun wins because I’m simply not comfortable with someone wielding that kind of world-dominating power. Moreover, these wishes are truly granted and not distorted as in Leprechaun 2 (1994), Wishmaster 1-4 (1997-2002) or The Monkey’s Paw (2013).

Director Brian Trenchard-Smith (Night of the Demons 2, Leprechaun 4: In Space) has taken all of the already-shaky-at-best rules of evil Leprechauns and wishes and thrown them out the window. Not only will a gold shilling grant you a wish, but when the coin changes hands each subsequent owner also gets a wish. The only constant seems to be that Leprechauns are nearly immortal.

As our protagonists, Scott (John Gatins; Witchboard 2, Pumpkinhead II) and Tammy are pretty worthless characters. But they offer up some campy comic relief.

After being bitten and exposed to the Leprechaun’s magically toxic blood, Scott seems to be afflicted with Leprechaunthropy–which consists of an insatiable appetite for potatoes and impersonating Tom Cruise from Far and Away (1992) doing his impression of the Leprechaun. Scott’s transformation into a were-Leprechaun is slow and silly, he has a magical duel, and all the while Tammy is dressed in a slutty magician’s assistant costume.

The real highlight for campy horror fans comes when Caroline Williams (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, Halloween II) wishes for beauty, then gets monkey pawed with grossly inflated boobs and butt by the Leprechaun–but it’s nothing compared to what happened in Faust (2000).

Again, nothing compared to what happened in Faust (2000). LOL

There’s that, and of course the scene that somehow combined Frankenhooker (1990) and Deadly Friend (1986).

The director of one of these fine films once suggested that each Leprechaun movie was about a different Leprechaun, which is the only sensible notion in the entire series considering that we have seen three Leprechauns meet horrible deaths in three states (South Dakota, California and Nevada) in as many years. But now with the inception of the communicable zombiechaun infection spread through bite, I’m shocked we have not yet seen a Leprechaunado or a Leprechaun Apocalypse.

All in all, this was extremely stupid but (with the right expectations) quite entertaining. Warwick Davis has been unchained and permitted to go as over-the-top as he wishes, and it’s pretty loony.

MY CALL: Vampire Hunter D (1985) and Wicked City (1987) heavily influenced this good, but not great, anime foray into contemporary dark fantasy. Still highly entertaining, though. Enjoy the spider demons, tentacles and succubi. MORE MOVIES LIKE Demon City Shinjuku: Check out Vampire Hunter D (1985) and Wicked City (1987) for more supernatural fare. Also try Bio Hunter (1995), Ninja Scroll (1993) and all manner of Tokyo Shock cinema like Tokyo Gore Police (2008) and Vampire Girl versus Frankenstein Girl (2009). however, despite the themes of psychic space vampires and cyborg zombies, Cyber City Oedo 808 (1990) struck me as a boring major disappointment.

Anime can fall flat without meaningful characters that we come to love. When we first met protagonists like Makie (Wicked City) and D (Vampire Hunter D), they had instant appeal and offered backgrounds of intrigue or mystery. Our hero of Shinjuku is Kyoya, a swordsman charged with protecting the president’s daughter and preventing Hell on Earth. I generally like him as “a good guy,” but I’m not nearly as invested or interested in him as I was the aforementioned heroes. I’m not hating here–just identifying my single negative criticism of this movie. Everything else was great.

Director Yoshiaki Kawajiri (Wicked City, Ninja Scroll, Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust) sure knows how to make an awesome contemporary dark fantasy. First, an evil swordsman opens a gate to Hell after some sort of Highlander (1986) duel with Kyoya’s father–who fights down to his last limbs like the Black Knight from Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975). 10 years later, evil demon tentacles thrash from a bouquet of flowers and kidnap the president! That’s what the world has come to…evil thrashing tentacles abound.

The demons in this movie are pretty cool. Following in his father’s footsteps practicing the way of the sword, Kyoya must defend the president’s daughter from their attempts at her life.

Much as Wicked City (1987) had its Black World dimension, many of the monsters of Shinjuku possess gifts of interdimensional travel through shadows, teleportation or dreams.

A bit of a throwback to the lady spider demon from Wicked City (1987), one of them is a sort of spider-centaur with a giant hermit crab claw and a toothed maw on his stomach! As if this fiend wasn’t powerful enough, it teleports through the shadows. Kyoya is also pulled into an underwater dimension to battle what I can only describe as a three-eyed demonic sloth hag.

And perhaps influenced by Vampire Hunter D (1985), the mysterious Mephisto battles a constricting succubus composed of tentacles.

Throw in all manner of lashing tentacles (at one point randomly and most amusingly dismembering a stray cat) and a villain reminiscent of Vampire Hunter D‘s (1985) Count Dracula complete with white hair and telekinesis, and we have a damn good time. It may not be terribly original, but it’s highly entertaining.

MY CALL: Halfway through this movie I went from regretting it to loving every sloppy minute. It borrows heavily from our favorites but knows exactly what it’s doing: delivering one of the most ambitiously disgusting indie horror films you’ve seen. Probably only for devout gorehounds. MOVIES LIKE Bite: The Fly (1986), Species (1995), Drag Me to Hell (2009), Tucker and Dale vs Evil (2010), Evil Dead (2013) and Cabin Fever (2002) boast similar elevating gore patterns–as in the further along the movie gets, the gore gets both more intense and more frequent. On the other hand, Afflicted (2013) features a similar transformation pattern with superior characters.  And for more gross insect-related horror try Blue Monkey (1987) and The Nest (1988).

(REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS

After her tropical bachelorette party, Casey (Elma Begovic; Bed of the Dead) returns with all sorts of baggage and bug bites. About to get married, she has not yet confessed that she doesn’t want children, or that she lost her engagement ring, or that she might have slept with someone while blackout drunk in Costa Rica. I guess we’re getting the moral early in this one: don’t get drunk and have adulterous sex in Central America. But what’s equally troubling is that, now home and away from the possibly parasite-infested waters, she discovers numerous sensitive red marks all over her body…and they are starting to secrete ooze…and she’s pregnant!

I had been waiting to see this movie for months–basically since a lot of reviews suggested this was one of the most disgusting movies ever. The pustules and super slimy sticky gooey ooze, the sounds they make when she pops them, the fact that she wakes up glazed in this super viscous ichor, she’s vomiting this yellowish bile–yes, it’s all pretty gross. It doesn’t hold a candle to the execution of Drag Me to Hell (2009) or the slathered slime factor of BioSlime (2010), but it’s effectively quite nasty! LOL

This misleadingly stupid poster unfortunately would misinform you into thinking this would be stupid and ultra-low budget.
Not the case at all.  Trust the other poster!

Written and directed by Chad Archibald, this movie is GROSS much as the filmfest reviews promised and gorehounds wanted. But it for me fails heavily in the storytelling, writing and (verbal) acting departments. Everything is far more over-explained or in-your-face than is necessary for us to get the point. And what is the point? Surely we didn’t watch this to count Oscar Nomination predictions while watching this–that would make for a rather sobering drinking game.

Well, this is a lot like having The Fly (1986) told through a female lens complete with a thousand-egg pregnancy. Casey gets slimier, twitchier, and goes full on Brundlefly when she projectile vomits acidic bile to melt her would-be future mother-in-law’s face off. She peels off her fingernails, pulls out her hair in clumps, becomes increasingly animalistic; step by step she is following in Seth Brundle’s footsteps paved by Jeff Goldblum and even has a Geena Davis pregnancy dream.

Where it differs from The Fly (1986) is the maternal egg chamber. Her apartment is doused with layers of pearl-sized translucent slimy eggs (actually a lot like tree frog eggs) as if someone poured buckets of them over the tables, chairs, bed and even the walls. Then there’s this web-like mesh draped across the walls and furniture as if harbingering a Species (1995) cocoon scene.

[Actual tree frog eggs.]

Before we know it Casey transforms into a bubbly, dribbling mess of mucus-like oral secretions. As a gooey special effects admirer, I’m totally forgiving the bad acting and writing at this point because this director has an eye for sloppy sickness that I like. Like papier-mache she smears her muck all over the walls, pasting egg clutches throughout the insectoid lair to all but guarantee that when she moves out she won’t see a dollar back on the lease deposit.

Not since Drag Me to Hell (2009, Alison Lohman), Halloween (2007; Danielle Harris) or Deadgirl (2008; Jenny Spain) have I seen an actress endure so much to make scenes so awesomely gore-filled or weirdly intense. Great job, Elma Begovic! That’s commitment! Not that Annette Wozniak, Denise Yuen, Lawrene Denkers and Jordan Gray didn’t have their gore-slathered moments. But damn, Elma!

We enjoy two gross sex scenes with people vomiting on each other and ruptured pustules (a la Cabin Fever), a dash of monstrous nudity, and the filthiest crusty creature lair since the host chamber in Aliens (1986). And remember the super fun “title shot” jump scares from The Cabin in the Woods (2012) and Drag Me to Hell (2009)? Yeah, there’s some of that, too. This even features the best head stomp I’ve seen since Drive (2011).

Bite (above); Aliens (below)

Halfway through this movie I went from maaaaybe regretting it (ok, really regretting it) to just plain loving every sloppy minute. It borrows heavily from our favorites and it knows exactly what it’s doing. Without dabbling in necrophilia (Necromantik), ass-to-mouth (The Human Centipede) or cannibalism (Cannibal Holocaust), this is truly a notably disgusting movie and probably worth the hype. And despite the fact that I found most of the acting and writing to be poor, I am confident that this director (Chad Archibald) has many wonderfully gross places to go and special effects teams to see.

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JUST…DON’T LOOK AT THIS IN YOUR OFFICE, OK?
NOT SAFE FOR WORK!
FAR TOO GROSS FOR YOUR WORK PLACE!

MY CALL: This “melting horror flick” was made for fans of ultra-low budget 80s horror and gore-slathered messy schlock. No nudity, but rather violent and featuring some of the worst acting the genre has to offer. So, yeah, I liked it! MOVIES LIKE Slime City: The Incredible Melting Man (1977) was among the earlier “melting horror” movies. But Street Trash (1987), Neon Maniacs (1986), The Toxic Avenger (1984) and Class of Nuke ’em High (1986) are all more in the same style as Slime City. For something more recent and far more sleazy (and “breasty”) slime horror, try BioSlime (2010). Also, if you enjoyed this Slime City (which I watched with my Shudder subscription through Amazon Prime), try to 2010 sequel Slime City Massacre!

There’s something about the dregs of indie 80s horror that breeds an uneasing atmosphere. The writing and direction is awful and the acting can be completely stale. But this manifests something of a horror-appropriate awkwardness at times, doesn’t it? Such is the case with Slime City, a film that doesn’t go easy on the weirdness gas pedal.

When we meet Alex (Craig Sabin; Naked Fear, Slime City Massacre) he is looking for a new apartment with his girlfriend in hopes that this privacy from his old roommate will break his lady’s chastity. His frustrations are apparent and he seems to be getting tired of her, but he’s quite interested in his promiscuous rocker down-the-hall neighbor who is actually played by the same actress as his girlfriend (Mary Huner; Undying Love).

Does anyone really have a neighbor like this?
She’s posing like this alone in her apartment, BTW.

Yearning for company Alex accepts a dinner invitation from an emo poet neighbor who serves green Himalayan yogurt for dinner and, somehow, Alex readily accepts a glass of some mysterious green fluid that was prepared decades ago by a purported alchemist! He is told this directly right before he decides to take a sip. Whatever bad shit happens to him, he has it coming for being stupid!

Writer/director Greg Lamberson (Killer Rack) seems to follow hard in the footsteps of such delightfully stupid, gory, smutty and brutal predecessors as Street Trash (1987), The Toxic Avenger (1984) and Class of Nuke ’em High (1986). After Alex’s weird green yogurt and beverage dinner date, he has a clothes-on sex session with the slutty girl next store and wakes up covered in some manner of perhaps sexually transmissible slime.

Excellent disguise you made with those slime-soaked gauze…
Won’t draw any attention at all!

His body is falling apart, oozing and leaking, with his skin about to slough off. Strangely, the only cure for this malady is to brutally bash in a hobo’s head with a lead pipe! Then, POOF! He’s clean, slimeless and normal again. So, evidently Alex is now a raging were-slime monster.

This is why we pay attention to expiration dates on cottage cheese!

As if taking after The Wolfman (1941) a fortune-teller gypsy warns his girlfriend of danger. Meanwhile, Alex wanders around like some hooker-soliciting mummy wrapped up in gauze, secreting mucous. He’s like an addict. He can’t stop drinking this alchemical concoction that makes him slime out, and then he must subsequently kill to appease the evil slime.

Much to my surprise, there was no nudity at all. And good for them, I guess. While there is clearly a place in cheap horror for gratuitous nudity, this flick brings enough gore to the table that the women need only disrobe to put on a clean, slime-free blouse between scenes. The real entertainment comes in the form of super gory sludgy scenes including mimicking The Thing‘s stomach mouth, a crawling brain, and an attacking headless animated body like The Reanimator (1985)…there’s a lot for gorehounds to enjoy here.

 Apparently the brain is the source of the infection. I guess it’s trying to escape.
It also sort of looks like the animated steak in Poltergeist (1982).

It turns out there’s a greater plot afoot. It involves Satan, the occult, resurrection, and all the jazz. Kinda’ dumb. But for fans of ultra-low budget 80s horror and gore-slathered messy schlock, this should entertain you.

MY CALL: This movie looks too cool to skip, but you should keep your expectations quite low despite the trailer quality. Lots of high fantasy presented in garbled CGI quality and fragmented storytelling. MOVIES LIKE Viy: Forbidden Empire: Perhaps Viy (1967), on which several scenes in this movie were based. This film reminded me of the dark fantasy found in The Brotherhood of the Wolf (2001), The Brothers Grimm (2005), Snow White and the Huntsman (2012) or the Lord of the Rings trilogy (1978, 2001-2003) or The Hobbit trilogy (1977, 2012-2014). For older dark fantasy try Legend (1985), Willow (1988), Labyrinth (1986), The Dark Crystal (1982), Wizards (1977), The Last Unicorn (1982), The Wiz (1978) or Return to Oz (1985).

There’s something odd about the tone set by this Russian fantasy film set in 1701 Europe. From its very start it frantically darts from one story idea to another, this new character to the next, this scene to that, festooned with CGI effects and transitions that smack more of a videogame than a movie. We are bombarded by this collage of scenery and characters, complete with romantic prophecy, mortal love, an inspired inventor and explorer, some sort of horned bog creature and all manner of magic in a matter of minutes. This may strike you as something that sounds cool–but the film is not nearly as cool as the trailer.

The budget is clearly not high as indicated by the non-CGI set components, and CGI is routinely used to complement the scenery. It resembled the effects of the “clip scenes” from some horror/fantasy videogame that had amazing effects a decade ago but seems to fall short in quality today. This produces mixed feelings from this reviewer. Whereas the CGI augments the sense of high fantasy, its quality leaves me fearful that this crutch may be employed to mask other shortcomings. One such shortcoming was the atrocious English dubbing, which was more irresponsibly haphazard than that found in 1970s Kung Fu Theater. Just terrible.

Our bold explorer Dzhonatan Grin (Jason Flemyng; Hanna, X-Men: First Class) sets out to make the most accurate maps the world has ever seen using his own cartography invention. But like Gulliver or Baron von Munchausen, he has his share of misadventure. He encounters witches, foolish drunk monks, superstitious villagers and zombie wolves…but that’s the “normal” stuff. After he is commissioned to map the area surrounding a lord arrested to his land for fear of some curse, the locals take a particularly strong interest in Dzhonatan (dubbed Jonathan).

While the effects quality was mediocre, the scene featuring the girl’s animated, almost hag-like possessed corpse and the animated prehensile roots was pretty cool. It made for a long action sequence. Likewise, the mass transformation scene at the dinner table was the coolest scene of the film.

As if magically fueled by the darkest of witchcraft, the men transform into demonic creatures and their entrée pirogues hatch stillborn monstrous yet diminutive fetuses into a swarm of tiny winged imps. The demons are pretty awesome, but the scene itself comes out of nowhere and would benefit from a larger budget. Enjoyable nonetheless! I particularly enjoyed seeing the perversions of their now vestigial, modified or recently detached body parts.

Then there’s the creature with the crazy eyelids and the compound eyes. As if born from the mind of Guillermo del Toro, the monsters were clearly the highlight of this film.

Unfortunately, the scenes between the special effects pelted us with fragmented story components and, again, the destitute dubbing only made things worse since there was a lot of story to tell. Not even the occasional scene with Charles Dance (Pride and Prejudice and Zombies) could save this film.

An Amazon reviewer (brad1110c, to give credit) called this a “hot mess of almost…OR an interesting jumble of potential.” That’s probably a perfect assessment of these neat ideas packed into a woeful film. The neat steam punk story, fantasy theme and Transylvania setting would benefit from a Netflix series treatment, in my opinion. If you’ve seen (and probably fallen in love with) the trailer, I probably cannot dissuade you from seeing this or waiting until it can be viewed for free. Just be warned that expectations should be set low. VERY LOW.

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We hope you enjoyed our last episode:
The MFF Podcast #62: Hush, Honeymoon and Lots of Squishy Noises

SUMMARY:  Join us as we discuss James Wan’s recent impact on the horror genre, his latest work The Conjuring 2 (2016) and how it compares to his past work, and the highly debated The Witch (2016)–which we LIKED!

We answer such important questions as…

“If Gamera (or Gamora) fought Black Widow, whose ass would look best in black leather?”

“Will Norman Reedus make a good Ghost Rider?”

“Why was there never a Fifth Element sequel?”

LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO,
or head over iTunes so you can download, REVIEW, RATE and SHARE the pod.

MY CALL: Nope, nope, nope. This is by far the worst in the franchise so far. MORE MOVIES LIKE Leprechaun in Space: Leprechaun (1993), Leprechaun 2 (1994), Leprechaun 3 (1995) and the further sequels taking Warwick Davis to “da hood.” Normally I’d warn you not to watch Leprechaun: Origins (2014)–terrible even for a direct-to-DVD B-movie–but it was actually better than Part 4. For more horror in space you’d be wise to turn to Event Horizon (1997), Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996) or Jason X (2001).

You should wear a special suit to protect you from this movie.

With sequels, the stakes tend to get bigger with each subsequent story. Whereas Leprechaun (1993) had nothing of the sort, Leprechaun 2 (1994) boasted three wishes granted to a Leprechaun’s captor and his search for a bride, and Leprechaun 3 (1995) offered infectious Leprechaunthropy! How do we up the ante from there? How about going to space…???

Evidently ball-gags happen in space.

The writing is absolutely the worst in the series (so far anyway), not that there’s any surprise about that. This entire movie looks like a space porno parody. Cheap space porno sets, stale space porno acting, wretched space porno special effects, and the Leprechaun even wields a light saber! Parts 2 and 3 were at least enjoyable for their silliness, but this just hurts to watch. It’s far beyond stupid.

A group of colonial marines a la Aliens (1986) prepare to seek and destroy an alien life form responsible for stealing from their employer’s space mine yield. Hmmmm, I wonder who the alien is and what they’re mining…?

When we meet our Leprechaun (Warwick Davis) he is wooing a space princess (Rebecca Carlton; Baywatch) dressed as a belly dancer complete with stripper glitter and a spiked bra. Much classier than our past iterations of this monstrous Irish species, he pulls out champagne and marriage proposals to position himself for a family career in mine management.

After being left for dead by marines, our Leprechaun magically impregnates himself into a man’s crotch, who later gives birth to him through his penis (no gore or latex L ) with just bad enough timing to prevent us from seeing a fine space marine’s (Debbe Dunning; Home Improvement) boobs.

Cheap horror normally offers only two things: boobs and blood. There’s a general shortage of both here–minimal gore and one brief boob flash that is exactly that, a deliberate boob flash by the character. Asinine!

The extent of the special effects is limited to magical sparks, a comically flattened face, three exploding Leprechaun scenes and a rubber monster suit when someone is mutated into an insectoid monster and pretty much steals the show.

As laughable as this sounds, take note that in four years the world has witnessed as many Leprechaun movies! So if we the movie-going people disapprove, we’re not exactly voting that opinion with our movie-buying dollar. I love cheap horror and all, but this has become too destitute to support.

Yup. A giant Leprechaun happens.

Director Brian Trenchard-Smith (Night of the Demons 2, Leprechaun 3) had taken all of the already-shaky-at-best rules of evil Leprechauns and thrown them out the window to bring us the story of a short, ugly, wizard with humbly moderate powers aiming to become a robber baron miner thorugh marriage. In fact, the mutant spider monster felt like more of a menace than the Leprechaun. My how far the franchise has fallen.

Yup. She somehow loses her pants.

The director of one of these fine films once suggested that each Leprechaun movie was about a different Leprechaun, which is the only sensible notion in the entire series considering that we have seen three Leprechauns meet horrible deaths in three states (South Dakota, California and Nevada) and now two solar systems. If only this Leprechaun could have been the last of its mythological species. But alas, such creatures of folklore have yet to befall “da hood” in, YES, a yet 5th installment in this series. I rue the day I have to sit through that!

Oh, how original. Let’s blow him out the air hatch into spaaaaace.
BARF!

Outside of a few pleasantly recognizable faces, among those not yet mentioned were Miguel A. Núñez Jr. (Return of the Living Dead) and Jessica Collins (The Young and the Restless), this movie has no redeeming qualities even in the realm of bad B-movies. Don’t ever watch it!

MY CALL:  If you like the Evil Dead movies, heavy metal music, or ultra gory horror comedies you will like this.  If you simply have good taste in silly (raunchy and gory) horror, just see this.  MOVIES LIKE Deathgasm:  For more kitschy New Zealand horror comedies try Dead-Alive (1992), Bad Taste (1987), Housebound (2014) and What We Do in the Shadows (2015).  For more solidly gross horror comedy in general try Zombie Strippers (2008), Zombieland (2009), Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever (2009), Piranha 3D (2010), Tucker and Dale vs Evil (2010), Final Destination 5 (2011), Piranha 3DD (2012), The Cabin in the Woods (2012), Smothered (2014), Zombeavers (2014), The Voices (2014),  He Never Died (2015), Cooties (2015), Ava’s Possessions (2015), The Final Girls (2015), Krampus (2015; not exactly comedy, but occasionally hilarious), Love in the Time of Monsters (2015) and Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse (2015).

Just a random aside, a shocking number of actors in this were from recent Power Rangers and Spartacus series.  Not a bad thing, not a good thing; just an observation.

Written and directed by Jason Lei Howden (visual artist of The Hobbit movies), this playfully feisty New Zealand horror comedy opens with an almost adorably gross credit sequence complete with the stylings of Adult Swim and a personable narration which reminded me of an old favorite, The Gate (1987).

Not five minutes into this zany little gem (and a GLOWING gem it is) I had lost count of how many times I had laughed out loud at its brilliant execution, sense of humor, and random clip scenes featuring goofy sketches and wicked music video dreamscape sequences that reminded me of “W is for Wish” from ABCs of Death 2 (2014) and everything that was awesome about 80s music videos.  When he used his laser vision to incinerate that chick’s (Kimberley Crossman; Power Rangers Samurai) top, Jeeeesus Chr–… oh… oh, dear, I seem to have gotten carried away.  On with the review!

That is SO METAL!

After being forced to move in with his uncle and insidiously bullying cousin, troubled teen metalhead Brodie (Milo Cawthorne; Power Rangers RPM) quickly unites with a group of social misfits, forms a metal band, and they bite off more than they can chew when they play some devil-worshipping music to summon the king of demons.

Now THAT is METAL!

It’s not so obvious at first, but afterwards all of the adults in town are just…not right.  They’re basically eye-gauged deadites.  Think Ash vs the Evil Dead (2015) meets a zombie apocalypse and that’s kind of looney territory we’ve hit.

I saw a guy do this at a Slayer concert once. No biggie.

The acting is on-point, the editing and direction seem perfect during funny dialogue, and this just enhanced the quick-witted and frequent comedic execution.  This movie is brilliantly hilarious!  The Dungeons and Dragons scene was simple yet precious, but it had nothing on the bit when they’re coming up with the name for their metal band—Cannibal Unicorn, Maggot Sperm, and so many more beautiful combinations of words.  I was also quite fond of the handful of Dungeons and Dragons references sparingly peppered in the script.

I actually really liked the characters in this movie a lot.

Not only is this movie delightfully funny, but it’s brutally gory as well.  This film seizes every opportunity to be gross with the reckless abandon of irritable bowel syndrome.  We have projectile blood vomiting into people’s face, blood enemas, ripping through bodies, splitting heads in half, the honest use of dildos as legitimately effective weapons against the supernatural, ripped out spinal columns, blood geysers, a chainsaw up the butt, coils of sloppy intestines falling out, forced dismemberment, naked bare-dicked zombies getting their dicks weed-whacked, a nude cultist (Delaney Tabron; Power Rangers Megaforce, Spartacus: War of the Damned) stabbing, a tarot card reader (Kate Elliott; Power Rangers Samurai, 30 Days of Night) heart rip, and when his bully cousin finally gets his messy comeuppance the accompanying dialogue with have you in love with this film!

It’s a lot like Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse (2015) crossed with Ash vs the Evil Dead (2015).  Just pure horror comedy bliss.  And be sure to watch ‘til the end of the credits for a bonus scene featuring more grossly awesome band name ideas!

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MY CALL:  Perverse, intense, sensual, and just plain weird, this fictionalized historical horror about Mary Shelley and Lord Byron makes for an interesting watch loaded with before-they-were-stars.  MOVIES LIKE Gothic:  Along the Frankensteinian theme one may venture Victor Frankenstein (2015), The Bride (1985), Re-Animator (1985) and Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein (1994).

I tend not to trust folks who stand in front of their own paintings of themselves.

This tells the fascinating story of how a modern horror legend came to be—in a heavily fictionalized sense, anyway.  As we are introduced to our characters, we find their extravagant lifestyles are punctuated by hedonism, male sexual dominance and the entitlements of severe classist elitism.  They are most extreme in pleasure, manor stricture, and delights.

Before her Sex and the City days.

Lord Byron (Gabriel Byrne; End of Days, Stigmata) hosts his guests Shelley (Julian Sands; Warlock, Arachnophobia), the future Mary Shelley (Natasha Richardson; Big Trouble in Little China) and Clair (Myriam Cyr; Species II) along with Byron’s doctor Polidori (Timothy Spall; Sweeney Todd, The Bride).  The cast alone is reason enough to see this perverse film.

Like a vampire, Lord Byron breeds emotional and social intensity, drawing more than an occasional discomfort from his controlled guests.  What’s more is their collective sexual nature.  It’s not homoerotic nor bisexual really, but rather a sort of pansexuality; a pervasive general sensuality.  Think Interview with a Vampire (1994) while being less polite about it.

They gather together and tell ghost stories with perverse tones, speak in poetic seduction of the mind and body, engage in voyeurism and orgy, and lead one another into deep creativity and hysteria.  All manner of nightmare fuel accosts their minds from the ghastly nocturnal homunculus to the blinking eye-nippled woman, perhaps the most iconic scene of the film.  It’s strikingly weird; even other-worldly.

Our guests descend into madness as they mesh polyamory and paranoia, erring on the side of madness.  They envision everything from dead fetuses to animated disembodied heads.

And they crawl around in muddy dungeon filth.

Director Ken Russell (Altered States, The Lair of the White Worm) has a flair for melodrama.  But it is deliberate and perhaps appropriate given his aims to paint our storytellers as creators; creators of their horrors within.

This film tiptoes the line separating ludicrous bad horror and brilliant mania.  I recommend it to general horror fans whose taste spans all manner of quality and style, since this film is a bit hard to classify.

MY CALL:  Perhaps the most boring Italian horror film I’ve ever seen, this alleged sequel to a “haunted house” movie boasts nothing scary or particularly interesting.  MOVIES LIKE Shock:  For more (and decidedly better) Italian horror try The Other Hell (1981; still not so good), Manhattan Baby (1982; utterly senseless but entertaining), The Beyond (1981; awesome), Zombie (1979; awesome), City of the Living Dead (1980; awesome), Aenigma (1987; utterly senseless but entertaining), The Church (1989; utterly senseless but entertaining), Phenomena (1984; utterly senseless but entertaining), Suspiria (1977), Inferno (1980) and Mother of Tears (2007). That should get you started!  ALTERNATE TITLE:  Also released as Beyond the Door II.

This film is very, very, very slow.  Not a slowburn, but just plain slow.  It takes us forever to get to the point–which, by the way, I do NOT think is an actual sequel to Beyond the Door (1974).  Perhaps in theme, although that’s it.  But in the mean time we suffer through perhaps the most disastrously poorly scored horror film I’ve seen in a long time–and yes, I’m including synth scores. LOL.

Dora (Daria Nicolodi; Phenomena, Mother of Tears), her young son Marco (David Colin Jr.; Beyond the Door) and his stepfather Bruno (John Steiner; Caligula) move into a new home to find that Marco isn’t handling the transition so well.  He behaves strangely and rather casually threatens to kill his mother.  I think we can all agree that is NOT normal.  Meanwhile Bruno secretly keeps the basement locked, yet somehow Marco keeps getting down there.  I’m guessing we’ll discover some dark family secret down there later.  Way to be subtle.

It turns out Dora had a tortured mental history after the suicide of her drug-addled first husband.  And now it turns out their new home was her old home…where he killed himself!  Bruno somehow doesn’t see how this would pose a problem.  Dora is paranoid and being haunted by her bedroom furniture and spectral boxcutters, young Marco continues to act out, and Bruno is blind to anything out of the ordinary.  Ultimately there is a twist, and I couldn’t care less.

Now I’m no Italian horror expert, but Mario Bava seems to tell a much more organized story than the typically haphazard Dario Argento or Lucio Fulci ever did.  The problem, however, is that his easy-to-follow story has nothing interesting in it!  I criticize Argento and Fulci to no end in my reviews.  But make no mistake, they always manage to entertain me.  This hardly boasts enough to keep my eyes open.

This was Mario Bava’s (Black Sabbath, A Bay of Blood) final feature film, and the only one I’ve seen so far.  The quality presented here doesn’t exactly make me want to venture through his back catalog. I’m not saying this may not have been decent back in 1977, but by my 2016 standards this is awful.  And not like “fun” awful–just plain awful, and dreadfully boring.  My only joy that came from this movie experience has been writing about it.  Sorry, Bava.

MY CALL:  This very low budget zombedy is to Jurassic World (2015) as Jurassic World (2015) is to Jurassic Park (1993); just rehashing things that we once loved in inferior form.  But it still has some personality and you can tell the cast and crew had fun with it.  MOVIES LIKE Zoombies:  If you’re looking for zombie animals then I’ve got your number.  Love in the Time of Monsters (2015) featured zombie squirrels, moose, trout, geese and raccoons, and then Warm Bodies (2013), Zombeavers (2014), Victor Frankenstein (2015) and REC 4: Apocalypse (2014) also featured zombie monkeys and baboons.  Other zombedies include Shaun of the Dead (2004), Zombie Strippers (2008), Zombieland (2009), Cooties (2015), Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse (2015) and Love in the Time of Monsters (2015).  For more solidly gross and recent horror comedy in general try Shaun of the Dead (2004), Zombie Strippers (2008), Zombieland (2009), Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever (2009), Piranha 3D (2010), Tucker and Dale vs Evil (2010), Chillerama (2011), Final Destination 5 (2011), Grabbers (2012), Piranha 3DD (2012), The Cabin in the Woods (2012), Warm Bodies (2013), Smothered (2014), Zombeavers (2014), The Voices (2014), Housebound (2014), He Never Died (2015), Cooties (2015), Ava’s Possessions (2015), Krampus (2015; not exactly comedy, but occasionally hilarious), The Final Girls (2015), Love in the Time of Monsters (2015), Deathgasm (2015), What We Do in the Shadows (2015) and Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse (2015).

On the advice of @cjzisi (his review here) I am, against my better judgment, watching this random movie I’ve never heard of.

Director Glenn Miller (Santa Claws, a kids’ movie) doesn’t have much horror experience, but he does bring a nice touch to this light-hearted, often humorous zombie movie.  The CGI is indicative of a quality similar to a ScyFy Channel movie of the week (e.g., Sharknado 2), which can be disheartening for some.  But the writing and filmmaking care bestowed upon the opening sequence offers a glimmer of promise.  Like an ad for Jurassic World (2015) we are introduced to Eden, a sanctuary for the world’s animals and family-friendly fun education.

But when some infected white-faced monkeys (yes, the Outbreak monkey) are rushed to the veterinary infirmary we know that something is wrong.  In an effort to save a recently deceased monkey ethical lines are crossed and some experimental serum is used to revive it…no clue what such a serum is doing here, by the way.  Now revived, the zombie monkey proceeds to leap onto the vet’s face and throw her eyeballs at his medical savior.  I’d say that sets a pretty strong tone and I don’t think I’m worried about the CGI effects any more, however marginal they may be.

Yes, the effects suck and I don’t mind at all.  I should also note that these actors all seem to really enjoy their roles.  Their script may not be Shakespeare, but they are owning their lines and it’s really refreshing.

Our zoo is modeled after Jurassic World (2015) and you’ll see some direct nods to it (e.g., the design of the headquarters building, the animal tracking screen, the jeeps, and literally making the comparison in the dialogue).  But more like how Jurassic Park (1993) brought some visitors to beta-test and criticize the not yet open to the public facility, here we have college interns starting a pre-opening program.  Our John Hammond is Dr. Ellen Rogers (Kim Nielsen; Amityville Terror).

We find zombie giraffes, capuchins, lions, koalas, gorillas and lemurs.  What we don’t find is quality gore or attacks.  That said, this movie really isn’t “mainstream good” but I also really didn’t hate it.  It was an enjoyable watch.  Although I admittedly won’t ever be watching it again, I wouldn’t warn people away from it either.  It has heart, and for that I look forward to whatever horror Glenn Miller does next.

MY CALL: A perfectly watchable remake that replays the 2002 screenplay and brings nothing new to the table. Basically you’re rewatching an old favorite with a different cast and director. MOVIES LIKE Cabin Fever: Cabin Fever (2002), Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever (2009), Cabin Fever: Patient Zero (2014) and The Ruins (2008).  But true lovers of hilariously gory overkill should also hit Evil Dead (2013), The Cabin in the Woods (2012), Final Destination 5 (2011), Tucker and Dale vs Evil (2010), Drag Me to Hell (2009), and of course Evil Dead 2 (1987) and The Evil Dead (1981).

Director Travis Zariwny (Scavengers, Intruder) had never made a feature length horror film before trying to fill some very big shoes by doing a remake of Eli Roth’s 2002 flesh-eating bacteria/virus movie that already has two sequels!  But he seems to be off to one Hell of a great start when he opens with gorgeous shots of the forest and the corpse of a man’s dog—with the cutest name ever (and a throwback to the original): Pancakes—spraying blood into his owners face for no good reason other than making me “squee” with glee.

Now that may sound pretty slapstick-nuts, but this is written by Randy Pearlstein (Cabin Fever, Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever) who acted in Ugly Americans and Chapelle’s Show.  So the sick sense of humor to this movie should come as an expected perk.  And can I just say I loved this seemingly random opening scene with Pancakes’ gore-ravaged cadaver red-misting his owner in the face!

Karen (Gage Golightly; Exeter, Teen Wolf), Jeff (Matthew Daddario; Shadow Hunters: The Mortal Instruments), Bert (Dustin Ingram; True Blood, Paranormal Activity 3), Marcy (Nadine Crocker; Deadgirl) and Paul (Samuel Davis; From Dusk til Dawn: the series, Machete Kills) are college students heading out to a cabin in the woods.  They stop at basically the same gas station as in the original Cabin Fever (2002), someone gets randomly bitten by the same weird kid, they meet the same edgy locals who serve as their troped up harbingers, and it’s introduced almost immediately that no one has any cell service in their cabin.

From spastic kids to waterfront flirting, this feels a lot like the original.

The college kids are pretty clichéd. They get right into the angst, the flirting and the sex.  But they barely have time to get comfortable before Pancakes’ now horrendously infected owner comes begging for help…naturally startled by his flesh-eaten state of decay and his projectile blood vomit, they light him on fire! Yup.  That’s what I do when someone in ill health comes begging for help: light him up.

“Hey, who’s out there?”

“Ewww. It’s a totally gross dying guy! Don’t let him in!”

“He tried to get in! Quick, spray him with lighter fluid!”

“Totally an accident, bro.”

Following suit with the original, some intimacy reveals some infectious gore in naughty spots, they quarantine the first infected girl in the boat shed like an animal, a sex scene re-enacts the back clawmarks scene that was so memorable in 2002, and then they all start turning on each other paranoid of who else might be infected. Suffice to say, there is really nothing inventive about this remake.  It’s an Eli Roth color-by-numbers…scene by scene.  Although I was quite partial to the leg-shaving scene; loved it then, love it now.  Not to mention some quality (but not overly abundant) nudity complete with a gore-slathered infected naked girl.

About an hour in I felt like this wasn’t as gory as its predecessors. But it accelerates accordingly in the third act to please gorehounds.  And speaking of hounds, I love the make-up they did on the infected dog.  What a gory mess.  But that dog had nothing on the brutal mercy kill scene.

Was this original? Not even in the slightest—not even for a remake.  Unlike Carrie (2013) or Evil Dead (2013), this remake brought nothing new to the table…kind of like Poltergeist (2015) except without the horrible suck factor.  This remake is something of a pretty fun ride.  It drags at times in the middle (as we re-live the same old 2002 exposition) and feels inferior to the original and its sequels.  But I don’t regret watching it a bit—it was still fun, funny and gorily satisfying.

Total SIDEBAR: So at the start of the movie Bert buys “the beer” for their weekend and only walks out with two six-packs for five people. Then they have a night of drinking–coming out to 2.4 beers/person.  Later when everything has gone to Hell, one dude grabs two six-packs and leaves the cabin to isolate himself… they were the same two six packs! So what were they drinking before that???

Okay, guys. So the movie is called CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST!
Soooooo… NOT SAFE FOR WORK, right?
Any movie with either CANNIBAL or HOLOCAUST in the title probably means NOT SAFE FOR WORK.

MY CALL:  Yes, this film is every bit as brutal and controversial as you’d expect…but it’s also a brilliantly made, stylistic film that’s way ahead of its time and addresses important aspects of morality.  MOVIES LIKE Cannibal Holocaust:  Cannibal Ferox (1981) and other brutal Italian cannibal movies.  But not Eli Roth’s Green Inferno (2013), which was a less shocking, cheap knockoff.

After a delightfully polite warning from Shudder this Italian cult classic opens with a lovely scored montage of shaky shots of the Amazon, known by its indigenous inhabitants as the Green Inferno (hence Eli Roth’s title Green Inferno).

Alan Yates, Faye Daniels, Jack Anders and Mark had embarked on an expedition to the border of Brazil and Peru to document the jungle tribes.  They followed in the footsteps of explorers who never came back, but they laughed at the amateurs.  After this new group failed to return within two months, a rescue mission was set up to recover them.

Check out their BEFORE and AFTER photos.

Our anthropologist “rescuer” Dr. Monroe teams up with a local roughneck guide and follows the same path as his predecessors marked by the decaying corpse of another jungle guide and Faye’s lighter worn as a charm by a tribesman.

Very early scenes of military machine-gunning through forest natives is campy and bloodless such that you’d think you were watching some PG-13 nonsense.  But don’t be fooled so soon.  Not that I expect a lot of animal lovers to watch this, but you should be warned that real live animals are killed on film—and not even close to mercifully.  I felt so badly for that muskrat (about the 19 min mark).  Later in the film there is an even more disturbing scene involving decapitating a large turtle and then preparing its still-twitching body.  Just brutal, from prying the shell apart to sloppily yanking out its guts.

This all really HAPPENS!

Those are the real guts and the real turtle head. Horrible!

This brutality makes its way to humans as a woman is dragged across the mud completely naked and bound, and forced into some shockingly uncomfortable positions during a sort of torturous rape scene complete with vile genital mutilation.  The violence against women in this film is immense.  But then, so is the general inhumanity overall.

In the past I’ve praised some actresses for what they physically endure on film: Jo Beth Williams (Poltergeist), Jenny Spain (Deadgirl), Isabelle Adjani (Possession), Elma Begovic (Bite), Linda Blair (The Exorcist), the entire cast of The Descent, Monica Belluci (Irreversible), the women of Martyrs, Charlotte Gainsbourg (Antichrist, Nymphomaniac), Alison Lohman (Drag Me to Hell), Danielle Harris (Halloween), Caroline Williams (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2), Jane Levy (Evil Dead), the cast of The Human Centipede films, and all actresses from the I Spit on Your Grave films, the women of all other TCM old and new, and Last House on the Left films/remakes/sequels.  Clearly Cannibal Holocaust must now be added to this list.

This film features abundant male and female full frontal nudity, rape and torture, horrible brutality against women and animals, and cannibalism.  It seems that if you are capable of being offended by anything, then this film will have something in it to offend you!  And this all happens in the first 30 minutes!!!

But wait, what ever happened to the original crew of documentarians?  Well, Monroe (and we) get to see their recovered video footage.  Speaking of which, was this (most of the second half anyway) one of the original found footage movies?

What’s really interesting about this stylistic film is that it’s so far ahead of its time.  We see footage from the original documentary crew, then half the movie follows Monroe’s rescue mission and interactions with the tribal people (a mix of normal and docu-reels), and then return to civilization and see the recovered found footage (both as “footage” and as regular scenes) with Monroe’s reactions to them for the second half of the film.

When we consider the title, we imagine that we’d have sympathy for the lost crew and whatever horrible fate had befallen them.  But it turns out they may have very well earned their undoing.

The gore is perhaps a bit more authentic than were used to, apparently consisting largely of whole animal organs in lieu of the standard rubber guts popularized by Romero’s original Zombie Trilogy, the actual brutal executions of some animals (the turtle scene was the worst), and various rape, birth and amputation scenes.

As if making a statement of our own acceptance and desensitization to violence and cruelty, disarmingly pleasant music often scores scenes of cruelty and mayhem.  Monroe calls the original crew out for their inhumanly soulless actions and the target of our sympathy shifts dramatically.

This film has a reputation for being brutal and unsightly.  I guess it is, and it especially was for 1980. But how had I never heard of how stylish and unique and ultimately self-realizingly moral it was?  This movie is really…well…great.  Great in a very non-mainstream, socially unacceptable kind of way, to some. But great, nonetheless!  I think this film is excellent!

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If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!

Summary: This week we discuss the new Netflix Streaming series Stranger Things (2016) and all the 80s movie references that made us fall in love with it.  If you want to hear more spooky podcast shenanigans, check out Episode 68: Ghostbusters.

We answer the tough questions in this podcast!  For example…

“Is MUTO a mispronunciation of Mothra?”

“Who are the best characters with numbers for names?”

“What movie monsters are actually scary?”

LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO,
or head over iTunes, and if you get a chance please SUBSCRIBE, REVIEW, RATE and SHARE the pod!

MY CALL:  This was the satisfying result of mixing the ghost from Mama (2013), the mother from The Babadook (2014) and a Springwood, Ohio address for that A Nightmare on Elm Street–iness (1984).  Not original and quite predictable, yet still highly entertaining and creepy.  MOVIES LIKE Lights Out:  Mama (2013), The Babadook (2014) and The Boogeyman (2005).  Even Carrie (2013) if you’re in the mood specifically for batshit crazy moms.

Despite their simplicity, these scenes were creeeeeeeeeeeeepy!

There’s really not much substance to this story.  Martin (Gabriel Bateman; Annabelle) is a little boy living with his clearly mentally ill mother (Maria Bello; Secret Window, Demonic) and…let’s just say that her actions (or inaction, neglect, what have you) leave Martin fearing for his life, deathly afraid of the dark and falling asleep.

Having fled their mother years earlier over similar issues, Martin’s much older adult sister Rebecca (Teresa Palmer; Warm Bodies, Wolf Creek, The Grudge 2) steps in to protect Martin from their mother’s manic neglect and maybe something more.

It turns out that nightmares from Rebecca’s past are being relived by young Martin, who in turn has resurrected their evil’s attention to Rebecca.  And that evil is something vile!

I was very pleased with the acting, good production value, and I thought the effects were everything they needed to be.  Nothing seemed wanting, nor was there any need or desire for gore.  Despite being limited to shadowy figures most of the time, our wicked phantom looked pretty awesomely creepy and, on that note, the creepy atmosphere was pretty effective.

If this movie feels a bit familiar to you, you’re not alone.  I felt like our evil ghost twitched and burped about in the shadows a lot like Mama (2013) doing her best impression of The Grudge (2004) ghost, the mother had a slew of psychological issues like our favorite abusive mom in The Babadook (2014), and those close links between our victims’ fear of the dark reminded me a bit of The Boogeyman (2005) or, since James Wan (The Conjuring 1-2, Insidious 1-2) is this film’s producer, perhaps even Dead Silence (2007) when we see our haggish specter’s face.  You might even feel some echoes of A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) in there—there were more than a few parallels.

Playfully renewing our fear of the dark with a series of predictable yet highly enjoyable jump scares, director David F. Sandberg’s (Annabelle 2) first feature length horror film pretty much plays it safe and by the numbers.  But you know what?  Sometimes that’s okay.  Nothing great about this film, but I really enjoyed it.  It was fun and I’d recommend it for a good popcorn horror night or fun scary movie date night.

This director handled his first mainstream horror gig very well, he embraced Wan’s horror influence, and I’m excited to see whatever he does next.

MY CALL:  A title like The Abyss (1989) for a movie that marries The Thing (1982), Leviathan (1989), Deep Star Six (1989) and Aliens (1986). MOVIES LIKE The Rift:  Leviathan (1989), Deep Star Six (1989), The Thing (1982), Harbinger Down (2015) and The Abyss (1989).

This movie isn’t trying to hide what it is at all.  Essentially, this flick is competing with Leviathan (1989) and Deep Star Six (1989) to be the Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987) of deep sea sci-horror submarine movies.

Some special ops guys awaken Wick (Jack Scalia; Red Eye) in his flea bag apartment to recruit him to find “his” lost submarine: the Siren-1.  Of course, our hero is jacked, has a raspy voice and is recently divorced (like all late 80s, early 90s antiheroes).

Director and writer Juan Piquer Simón (Pieces, Slugs) has made some cult favorites in horror. But his skills haven’t exactly advanced.  The writing/dialogue are atrocious, Wick looks like Sgt Riggs (Mel Gibson from Lethal Weapon), and it only takes five minutes of running time before Wick is on the rescue vessel the Siren-2.  Oh, and just because The Abyss (1989) did it, Wick’s ex-wife is on the mission and she’s senior in rank.

Crewman Robbins (Ray Wise; Swamp Thing, Cat People, RoboCop, Twin Peaks) is Wick’s closest ally, Captain Phillips (R. Lee Ermey; The Terror Within II, Se7en, The Frighteners) is the hardass military leader helming this mission, and as if to forecast what was going to go wrong, one crewman is an expert in “biogenics” for no good reason at all.

After circumventing deep sea icebergs (if that’s even a thing) at depths of about thirty thousand feet down an “abyss” they encounter the Siren-1’s distress signal in an area surrounded by plants which, evidently, can’t grow down there due to the complete lack of sunlight.  So they take a sample in the name of science.  I feel like “let’s just take a sample for science” is the academic version of investigating a weird noise outside or saying “let’s split it.”

Turbulence is experienced as if aboard the Starship Enterprise complete with shaky cameras and the effects budget is incredibly low.  When their sub is attacked by a giant sea slug this is made readily apparent.  And why are they not making a bigger deal over the GIANT SEA SLUG!?!?!  They just go on with the mission…like that shit didn’t even happen?  They end up in a conveniently pressurized super deep sea subterranean cave system following the distress beacon of the Siren-1.  The atmosphere is toxic and there is evidence of past human occupation.

Playing strongly off of Alien (1979), not only do both movies feature a Kane (Alien) character and an important escape pod scene, but like Aliens (1986) we also we see the crew’s vital stats on a monitor as they are attacked by insectoid monsters in a close quarters cave armed with flood lights and guns.  We watch a digital on-screen schematic of the cavern layout with heat signatures for creatures.

Only now do we get any satisfying semblance of gore…and plenty of it as they attacked by some sort of giant worm, these fly-headed bug monsters, mutant piranha-eel fish and what seems like a mix between a Komodo dragon and a piranha!  There are tentacle assaults and gooey slimy mutant monster fetuses in an egg chamber overseen by a giant mutant starfish plant monster.  It’s senselessly random!  It’s cool and all, but for my money I’d favor Galaxy of Terror (1981) or Forbidden World (1982).

Speaking of Forbidden World (1982), the innocuous plant sample taken on board has grown and infested the lab with crusty xenomorphic webby roots like the brood chamber in Aliens (1986).  It’s all gushy slimy and pulsating, and it spews infectious gobbledy gook that melds (or melts?) to flesh like The Thing (1982).

What’s strange is that Leviathan (1989) and Deep Star Six (1989) came out not only the same year as The Abyss (1989), but they were released in January and March with The Abyss (1989) following in August.  How did that happen when they feel like rip-offs???  Well I guess all of them play off the Aliens (1986) playbook.

And despite being such multi-film sci-horror rip-off, I thought this was every bit as entertaining as all of the other referenced Alien-rips—all of which I enjoy.  It heavily delivers on the cheap gore and creature effects, hits a good level of creature diversity, and has its share of cheeky yet unoriginal plot twists.  I recommend it to any B-movie fan.

MY CALL:  One of the more stylish yet less substantial werewolf movies out there, this movie features two highly memorable transformation scenes worth the price of admission alone.  MOVIES LIKE The Company of Wolves:  The Brothers Grimm (2005), Sleepy Hollow (1999), Return to Oz (1985), and maybe even Deadtime Stories (1986).  Viy: Forbidden Empire (2014) is dark fantasy, but I’d dare not call it good nor would I recommend it for anything but the transformation scene and a few other decent bits.

MORE WEREWOLF MOVIES:  The best werewolf movies would have to be An American Werewolf in London (1981; semi-humorous), Ginger Snaps (2000; metaphoric), Dog Soldiers (2002; unconventional) and The Howling (1981; serious).

If you want another utterly ridiculous werewolf movie, then move on to Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf (1985) and Howling 3: The Marsupials (1987).

However, I’d advise you skip Red Riding Hood (2011), Ginger Snaps Back: The Beginning (2004), Howling IV: The Original Nightmare (1988), Howling V: The Rebirth (1989), Howling VI: The Freaks (1991) and The Howling: Reborn (2011) unless you are a werewolf movie/franchise completist.

And for more stylish werewolf movies Meridian (1990), Cursed (2005; cliché-loaded and contemporary), Ginger Snaps 2: Unleashed (2004), Wolf (1994), Wer (2013), The Wolfman (2010), Wolfcop (2014) An American Werewolf in Paris (1997), Late Phases (2014) and the Underworld movies (2003, 2006, 2009, 2012) are also worth a watch.

Waxwork (1988), Trick ‘r Treat (2007), Van Helsing (2004), Monster Squad (1987) and many others also feature werewolves, but not to such centerpiece extent that I’d call them “werewolf movies.”

As if Disney and Grimm had an R-rated lovechild, this film lays on the fairy tale allusions thick with dreams, wicked sisters, animated toys and uber-creepy gingerbread men.

After the tragic loss of her sister (Georgia Slowe) to the wolves of the dark magical woods, young Rosaleen (Sarah Patterson; Snow White) accompanies her grandmother (Angela Lansbury; Murder, She Wrote, The Last Unicorn, Beauty and the Beast) through the woods.  Don’t eat the berries and be wary of the beasts that lurk in the shadows, Granny warns… Never eat a windblown apple, never wander from the path, and never trust a man whose eyebrows meet.  That’s not exactly the kind of advice you’d hear from Confucius…or a grandma!

While knitting Rosaleen a red garment, Granny warns that sometimes a wolf is more than a wolf and that they come in various disguises.  She goes on to spin a “once upon a time” about a unibrowed travelling man (Stephen Rea; Underworld: Awakening, Werewolf: The Beast Among Us) who turns out to be more than he seems.  This story is one of several stories told to and by our Red Riding Hood Rosaleen in this pseudo-anthology which features three transformation scenes—and two of them are your reason to watch this movie!

The first transformation scene begins with a subtle change in eye color to a sharp yellow. He proceeds to tear away chunks from his cheek and his forehead, stretching and yanking flaps from his neck and his chin.  It’s quite deliciously gross.  After tearing away the last of his skin and hair with bony hands he uncovers a fleshless head of sinew from which springs and extends his canine muzzle.  It’s all practical effects, of course, and weirdly off-putting—it actually reminds me of the modern “Bodies” exhibit.  Finally, his neck extends like a turtle’s from its shell as it unsheathes!

This scene may not be as brutally long and painful as An American Werewolf in London (1981) or as grimy and sloppy as The Howling (1981) or its Wolfcop (2014) successor, but it’s quite effectively uncomfortable to watch.

Another transformation scene in the movie feels brief and comical, more akin to Howling 3: The Marsupials (1987).

And a final transformation scene features a gross writhing tongue followed by the emergence of a wolf’s snout from a man’s wide open mouth (as seen on the movie poster) before it tears its way out of his skin as if it wore him as a suit (a more crude version of the “unzipping” werewolves we find in Trick ‘r Treat).

If you love these transformations, you should check out The Best Transformations of Horror.

This film casts an interesting tone.  The mossy, misty woodland scenes will remind you of Labyrinth (1986) and The Dark Crystal (1982)… just without the Henson Muppet creatures.

I have a major soft spot for this movie…perhaps it’s the transformation scenes, perhaps its dark fairy tale nature.  But make no mistake, overall this is rather slow-paced and far from exciting.  This film is more style than substance, and that style would be best-defined as dark, off-color and aloof—but very cool!

This is a follow-up article to:
The Best Moments of one of the Worst Years in Horror: looking back 20 years to 1995

There are great horror films (e.g., Saw, The Conjuring), there are typically color-by-numbers trope-rich sequels (e.g., A Nightmare on Elm Street after part 3) and there are zany, gory, low budget direct-to-video releases (e.g., Puppet Master and almost everything by Full Moon Entertainment).  Generally we see maybe one or two greats, several enjoyable trope-rich flicks, and countless DTV releases in any given year.  We recently did some articles on more recent “best moments” in horror: 15 Images for 15 Years of Horror, Part 1 (2000-2014): some of the greatest, goriest, most shocking and most memorably defining moments in horror since 2000 and 15 Images for 15 Years of Horror: Part 2: The Good, the Bad and the Hilarious.  But I think we all know that The Best Horror came from the 80s!

Now the year of 1996… I know what you’re thinking: “John, Scream came out that year. How can ’96 be a bad year for horror?”  And to you I have two answers:

1. 1996 was a part of the 90s.  As a blanket statement, all years of that decade were generally bad for horror fans.  A few good gifts under the Christmas tree from mom and dad don’t let us completely overlook a stocking full of coal.  Check out my Horror Index and you’ll find very few 90s horror reviews.  There’s a reason for that!

2. I really struggled to put together 10 decent movies for this list.  Granted, for 1995 I included The Granny and The Ice Cream Man…making 1995 twice as bad as ’96, for which the only wild card was Head of the Family (1996).  Thank God I didn’t need to turn to Carnosaur 3 (1996).

In the 1990s there were almost no sequels to please fans of proven franchises, few DTV releases worth mentioning, and the best movie referenced in this article (Scream) was probably treated as a “thriller” instead of a “horror” in your local Blockbuster store since slashers fell into that now-forgotten category.  But, in honor of our “1996 Year in Review Week” we turn back the clock 20 years to reflect on the more memorable moments that 1996’s horror had to offer.  So here are some moments from ten movies, in no particular order…

Scream (1996) made phones terrifying again, reignited our fear of stupid masks and got us to start talking about the dynamics of horror.

Why?  Because this was a metamovie, a film that permitted its characters to discuss the nature of the film itself and filmmaking.

As their classmates are killed our lead horror analyst actually explains the things one does that creates or protects victims.
We actually discuss this at length in our Scream on Elm Street podcast episode.

From Dusk ’til Dawn (1996) seems to be the Baskin’ Robbins of vampire flavors…

Cheech Marin turns into a Klingon vampire.

Danny Trejo turns into an Incredible Hulk vampire with powerlifter traps!

Salma Hayek turns into a snake demon vampire

And Quentin and George wish she just stayed hot like before…

The Frighteners (1996) was exactly the kind of game-changing movie Michael J. Fox needed after playing just too many overly likable roles (Doc Hollywood, Back to the Future, Homeward Bound) or unconvincing shlubs (Life with Mikey, Greedy, The Hard Way).

It has an awesome, scary poster that reminded me of A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984).

Aaaand Jeffrey Combs (Lurking Fear) is in it! #Winning

The Craft (1996) was one of those films I thought was just plain perfect when I saw it in high school–yes, I’m that old.  It’s so great that it’s getting a remake!  Not that movies need to actually be good in the first place to earn a remake.

This film brought together a group of teen misfits with magic and levitation.

But power corrupts and Fairuza Balk gets crazy and we get a most excellent aerial catfight.

Thinner (1996)…I really loved this movie despite it’s incredibly lame script and acting.  It is, after all, a great Stephen King story.

Mob lawyer is really, really fat.

He accidentally kills the daughter of this scary gypsy from My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

On this new diet he can eat whatever he wants and still waste away into nothing.

And this film features the absolute lamest threat via acid and deadly pie in film history!

Hellraiser IV: Bloodline (1996) brought a sense of 90s badness and style to Pinhead’s franchise.  It both went to space and presented three stories in an anthology.

Our new Cenobite starlet was not goofy like her Hell on Earth predecessors
and the movie featured Adam Scott (Piranha 3D, Krampus)!

Bordello of Blood (1996) was that bonkers-tastic Tales from the Crypt movie that we all know is bad, but we all know is AWESOME!  Let’s look at the facts, shall we…?

Angie Everhart gooily tears off heads and ends up covered in gore herself…

She turns into this ridiculous monster even sillier than anything from From Dusk ’til Dawn…

and Corey Feldman becomes a vampire with an excellent hole in his chest!

The Island of Dr. Moreau (1996) is a remake of the 1977 classic of the same name.  Now I’ll admit I never saw the original, but it couldn’t have been as batshit crazy as this.

Some of the Moreau monsters are played by Ron Perlman and martial artist Mark Dacascos.
And the doctor/creator is played by Marlon Brando accompanied by the diminutive Nelson de la Rosa (to his left, below).
And oh my goodness…is Fairuza Balk in two movies on this list!?!?!

Mary Reilly (1996) is the serious choice for someone who simultaneously wants to watch a horror movie, but also wants to impress his/her friends or date with this deeper, more intellectual horror period piece.  I mean, it has Julia Roberts and John Malkovich.  No one can veto this simply on the basis of it representing the horror genre.  No…there’s more here.

Head of the Family (1996) is my “oh, crap, I need a 10th movie to round out this list” pick for 1996.  This zany film was really just a good excuse to show us ex-adult film star Jacqueline Lovell’s (Hideous!, The Killer Eye, Femalien) boobs…again…as she does in pretty much all of her Full Moon releases–and God bless her for that!  But honestly, this salty little flick was kind of like direct-to-video horror’s answer to the suburban pseudo-horror The ‘Burbs (1989).

If you enjoyed this weird article, please check out last year’s edition:
The Best Moments of one of the Worst Years in Horror: looking back 20 years to 1995